I eat a lot of whole, unprocessed foods… punctuated by frequent consumption of burgers and fries.
Gone are the torturous days of obsessing over my food, and sadly, I had plenty of them.
I competed in Figure, and without re-opening that can of worms, let’s just say that it left me with some pretty intense food issues.
I was irrationally labeling foods—and my behaviors with them—as “good” or “bad,” and it rarely made sense.
If I ate an apple that I wasn’t scheduled to eat, I labeled myself AND the apple “bad.” If I followed my plan like I was supposed to, I deemed myself “good” that day.
This was a slippery slope because, as I’m sure you can understand, there is not one single thing that is bad about eating an apple, nor many of the other foods that I allowed myself to feel badly about eating.
As a fitness instructor my entire day revolved around exercising... exercise that caused me to want to eat more and without any conscious thought.
While I might have looked “fit” (based on the misguided industry standard) my body wasn’t happy. I was physically exhausted, sick all of the time, and in a perpetual state of soreness.
The real kicker? As “fit” as I looked, my body image was at an all-time low.
My diet was so strict that I thought about food all the time.
I was fixated on my weekly “cheat” meal, and it was always followed by overwhelming remorse, accompanied by plenty of negative self-talk.
My lightbulb moment came in 2012 after a talk with my coach at the time… I had freaked out when weighing myself after a “cheat” meal and seeing 2 extra pounds on the scale.
He set me straight.
I tossed my scale in the garbage the next morning and haven’t weighed myself since.
I finally realized that I didn’t need a certain number on the scale or on my jeans to validate my self-worth.